Everything In Between
by speedbumpcity
Summary: A continuation of Commander Shepard and Traynor's story, takes place after the Reaper War, however, the majority of the opening build up is their emotional last goodbyes and the heartbreaking decisions Shepard takes in order to secure a future that's safe for Sam.
1. Sunshine and Rain

**Basically I guess I wrote this because I needed my own kind of closure. This is my first piece of writing and I apologize beforehand for any kind of spelling mistake, or other idiocy on my behalf, My writing style's unorthodox but hopefully you'll at least except it and perhaps even like it. *Fingers Crossed* **

**Anyway, the point I'm writing from varies from scene to scene sometimes in first from Traynor and/or Shepard's eye's to third during descriptive scenes. When this occurs it's documented by the horizontal line which I've also used as an indicator of time progression. **

**Any criticisms and feedback would be greatly appreciated for future reference, so I can gauge points to improve and evaluate, and also in general I'd like to hear what you're thinking and if you've got any ideas to include. Much thanks SBC x**

* * *

The freckles that fell despondently along her nose and cheeks, a crest of honor, their only job simply to accentuate the main event. Her eyes. Oh her eyes. Sam could stare at them for hours. Just lost in their gaping expanse. Cliché she knew. But there was something about them she couldn't resist.

_Forever the endearing romantic, ey Traynor?_

Perhaps it was their color. The fact that they were more than just green: that they were an illusive shade of emerald that rivaled the very fabric of a paradise as rich as Eden Prime. They even sparkled like raindrops nestled atop the first flower of spring, as it rose from the ashes of its compatriots, who'd perished underneath the harsh battle of winter. But there it basked underneath the dimly lit sun. Glorious, rejoiced. Life; the very fragile fruit of stupendous labor.

But Shepard's eyes they offered so much warmth it was unfathomable, she practically emanated it from them! They gave and gave, even dancing when she flashed that little grin of hers, one of her few admissions of happiness.

They'd witnessed so much and weren't stained or blackened by it! The suffering she'd seen. The suffering she'd had to endure, as all she could do was stand and watch; perilous to help. Then, there was the death. So much death! It followed her like a plague, always rearing its ugly head, ravaging her of so much.

Alenko.

That was all Sam had to say. Alenko's death had crushed Shepard, undoubtedly, and despite all these years she still mourned him like it was yesterday, but she knew in some deep, dark crevasse of her soul that it wasn't her fault. That she hadn't condemned him to death, but admitting that took more will then she ever imagined feasible. Sam learned early on that Alenko was a no go, that it stirred up the same amount of anger and fury in Shepard as the Genophage and the Turian and Salarian's callous had done the Krogans. But that fury had only driven her, pushed her often to and past the point of exhaustion, like Earth going non stop in an attempt to rectify galaxy wide genocide to ease her pain. To abolish it from her mind.

"I'll sleep when this war is over" She'd say leaving Sam cold and empty, pleading with her commander to rest if not for Shepard's sake then for her own.

Then there was the blood. The red velvet blanket that had grimaced so many of Shepard's victories. Had left Shepard will a troublesome disdain, regret and contemplation. Only to be soothed and suppressed by Samantha's hallowed hushes. Sam remembered that night fondly, very fondly she seemed to recall.

It had been passionate, with a thirst for love unparalleled by mere sexual desire. That night sent shivers down Sam's spine. Goosebumps along her arms, and a throbbing that clutched her chest tighter that a Varren's hold.

It was raw. Unadulterated. But just whispers. Just slow caresses as Shepard had held her like Sam was all she had left. Long sultry kisses that lingered. Delicate flicks of curled tongues. Reassuring glances, smiles and finally words. Words that shocked Samantha. Looking back now it was strange because for all she saw of Shepard and she'd seen a lot of her. She had never expected to so casually stumble across 'A woman underneath all that armor Sam couldn't help but laugh with hindsight. However, it was a chuckle that filled her with joy. Then she remembered holding her again, clutching her. Their arms and legs an entwined mess that shouldn't ever have to be unraveled. It had hit Traynor like a wave, well more a tsunami. Memories of Shepard. Faint flickering images of quaint moments they'd endured together. Some intimate and others just a development of how they'd progressed. The majority were just words and phrases of conversations past :

"I'm honored to serve under you commander"  
"I've got no problem getting cozy"  
"I play for keeps" - "She's interested"  
Our eyes locking her gaze stricken with lust, consumed by pure desire.  
So strong and meticulous, an affection beyond anything I'd known before.  
"I don't offer my shower to anyone who wouldn't jump on a bomb for me"  
"Aw you do care"  
"Vancouver ... not Paris, not Venice ... Vancouver. You never take me anywhere nice!"  
"You're going to win this for us"

They whirred by so fast, but she lived them all. Every single one no matter how much it made her cringe and squirm and no matter how much love they boiled around her body. The emotions coursed through her veins, through every finger and toe, every nail and bone. Every organ and limb. Each hair standing on end, her muscles twitching in elation. The unsettling despair it left in the pit of her stomach. The vulnerability that replaced her bravado (something of a new occurrence in recent months). This was love. And all Traynor can recall is thinking that if it was to all end now she'd die happy. She'd die in the arms of Shepard. Her Shepard.

With that resolve she'd fallen into a deep sleep. One that wasn't ravaged by worry or consumed by desire. In Shepard's toned arms she'd once again felt safe, she'd been protected and left with a newly discovered solace which Sam ached to treasure. She'd awoke early as usual, but was reassured by the thud of Shepard's heartbeat against her chest. It boomed along in time with her breathing as her chest shuddered rising, before gracefully sinking down again.

Samantha savored the view, fearing it would be her last of Shepard's naked form. All in all it was a beautiful sight. They were both sprawled on top of Shepard's white linen sheets, presenting Samantha the perfect opportunity to drink in, Shepard's long and slender legged glory.

Her toes loitering in the distant throws of a clench. Then her calves, strong but subtle, caked in femininity, and her thighs possessive, demanding as if they screamed at Sam for her to trickle her fingertips along their length. Trace great scaping paths of pecks and nibbles along them. Kiss them until they pleaded for the onslaught to seize. Daze her tongue inch by inch along their surface until it was moist, medaling a submission of Sam's superiority.

The maroon laced lingerie Shepard donned concealed Sam's second favorite part of her lover. The part she'd teased countless times cruelly. Teased to the point of frustration and anger. Then reluctantly pleasured all too easily, indulging in its intoxicating allure. Satisfying her quench as she gulped at it. Lovingly licked and blew upon it. Always sending Shepard into ecstasy as she writhed with euphoria. Crippling her. Draining her knuckles a sour white as blood snaked from them, gushing toward her raging brain, where it only culminated into sensory overdrive.

Then there was Shepard's stomach. That hard and flat entricle with those hip bones that jutted out at the bottom providing a mantel for hands. A shelf to grip and claw at on more than one occasion drawing blood. Traynor smirked as she recalled having to apply Medi-Gel to the Commander's incy wincy cuts, and how she'd squealed at the substance's icy contact with her pale skin.

Her breasts encased again by a flow of matching maroon lace, which spiraled into intricate curls, lining their way all around the outskirts of the bra. Little satire indulgences of silk so light and warm to touch. So light and warm to be removed by a seductive glare and a cheeky wink of the mouth's lips. Followed by a quick exchange which would leave the Commander flustered and with minute crystals of sweat adorning her furrowed brow, as she calculated her next move.

And her collarbones, the rigid rocks which underlined Shepard's neck completing her frame. The kisses Traynor had planted on them over and over, furiously fueling her hunger for her lover's feel, her lover's skin and that deep taste of the woman she felt for so greatly.

With that view, that last picture of a lover and all the life they had to give, all the love there was left to spare, Traynor picked herself up and searched for the door. The clasp of the metallic flooring of the cabin was almost electric, numb and cutting, Samantha winced at its harshness a complete parallel to the snug of Shepard's body melded against her own. Forcing her arms to pull herself up, walking then became an uphill struggle, her mind was ablaze with emotion and discontent. Tiny wells conjured in her eyes. Collecting more and more pain to shed as she battled to cross the room. Finally, walking the pain was unrelenting, sapping energy to its greedy cause. The tears dripping onto the floor with a monotonic tone that wailed Traynor's distress. She left in her wake a slithering trail of sorrowing pools. With one last sigh, she was gone. The doors hissing standing as a testament to her departure.

She fought with every fiber in her being not to succumb to her emotions and embrace Shepard again, sharing with her, her worries for the looming morn. The dark pangs which stabbed her gut signalling the deepening feeling that she'd loose the one closest to her. That even though she knew and believed completely that Shepard could defeat the Reaper threat, she feared the cost. The destruction. The rebuilding and the lonely days which would inevitable ensue. Samantha was beyond refusing the worst, she'd wrestled with it long ago. Maybe it was Sanctuary that had changed her, then again, maybe it was just an easy excuse.

There was no look back. Just a short drag of weary limbs over to the elevator. Upon entering she sobbed uncontrollably, falling to the floor as her body shed raucous roars and shook violently. In her head she needed this, accepting that this was the repercussions of her actions: what she deserved. For what fell like hours she lay there. Still. Lost. Gathering herself before silently returning to her quarters.

* * *

Shepard's eyes slowly flutter open. The room's blanketed by an unmistakable darkness, as only the faint shine of distant stars glimmer bleakly through the skylight. An unwelcome chill's colonized the air, leaving Shepard gasping for warmth. Reaching out for a partner to snuggle with, she's left dejected by the now cold bed sheets and the delicate linger of her lover's scent. Sweet Jasmine. The soothing narcotic's left her seeking Traynor once again. But before there's time to talk EDI's voice perks over the ship's communication system announcing the Normandy's arrival at the Illusive Man's base. A low groan, escapes from Shepard's mouth as she reluctantly head's down to the Armory in order to kit up for the mission.

_I'll just have to get Traynor later!_

"Shepard"

Before her plan can develop any further she's shattered from her thoughts by EDI.

"Yes EDI what can I do for you?"  
"I wish to accompany you on this mission, what with my know how of Cerberus and its data basing and firewalls. I believe it to be our greatest chance of success."  
"Ow, this is a surprise, I mean are you sure? They could have contingency plans in place, and any number of other variables?"  
"Yes, Shepard I am sure!"  
"OK then gear up, it'll be a tough one"

* * *

_Tough didn't begin to describe it. Nice understatement there Shep._

"Why is it that every single thing in this Universe wishes to plot against me?" Shepard wondered. "Why are there so few opportunities for justice, so few flitting moments in between man's insanity, his evil, to then only conceive revenge, when it's not what we sought. It's only a bitter aftertaste which leaves us to question our morals and the loved ones they helped us to grieve."

"This war's not over not by a long shot, only when it's done will I rest. No man, woman or child will have perished needlessly in vain. I can assure myself of that.

Whatever the cost. Whatever the fucking cost."

* * *

"Samantha ..."

She looks so beautiful and I'm drunk nostalgic on yesterday's happenings. I feel happiness and then guilt, long recesses of never ending guilt. It feels so wrong to enjoy such pleasure to bask in such glory whilst Earth rots in flames.

"Don't if you start I think I'll burst into tears in the middle of the CIC and that would be mortifying."

I just want to scoop her up and never let her go. Her voice so elegant, so educated she could talk for hours to me and I'd never get tired. She wouldn't even have to say word's just mumblings and I'd be putty in her long, elongated fingers. Is it wrong for me to crave her? Is it wrong for me to get my happy ending after so many years fighting. For her I'd give it up in a heartbeat ... if that's what she wants.

"Thanks for everything ..."

Oh here it is, here's the you were a good fuck you pariah now my beautiful wife's going to fuck me endlessly as I elope back into her arms back on a Reaper ridden Earth. Thanks for that by the way, now we'll see out the rest our days, without the dreaded threat of intergalactic domination.  
Then there it is. Her words ring out so fast I'm unsure if I heard them correctly. They're not what I was expecting, which is even more surprising because as a soldier you're trained to anticipate anything. But this, this knocks me for six.

"... even if we don't end up with the house with the white picket fence and the two kids ... "

She wants me.

When she said she played for keeps I was terrified. Not because I couldn't commit or anything, just feared that if I gave myself completely to another, I'd lose them again. Based on track records that seemed to be the general trend. My head plays the entire list of names on the memorial wall, each one of them rives at my heartstrings, they're all family. All brothers and sisters. We stood together through anything no matter what, and they'd plunge into the depths of despair by my side, no matter how minuscule the chances of success where. I can feel them urging me on, releasing me from my mournful embrace of their arms. Alenko he winks at me. No anger he just winks. It's in that moment I know.

"That sounds pretty good to me" I respond treasuring her hands into my own.  
She'd previously played it down as a joke but I knew. I just found it distressing that it had taken me this long to realize my love for this woman.

"I want a big house, white picket fence, and a dog some king of retriever, I'm thinking two kids, but ... are you writing this down?"  
She withdraws from my clutches during that last remark, only widening my grin.  
"I'll remember"  
"You damn well better"  
The last thing I see is her smile, as she pulls me into a hug. Our last hug. Her voice is low and hushed, tickling away at my ear with her luscious lips, as her hair grazes lazily over my nose.  
"Whatever happens ... I love you"  
Her words choke me as I draw for breath.

* * *

She's all I think of in the shuttle, all I think of as countless Husks, Marauders and Banshees are slain in her honor. The entire mission she's there fighting with me. Dancing in the back of my mind, reminding me of what I'm playing for. Shit the stakes have never been higher. Why didn't I meet her five years ago, and have her saunter into my life and show me such compassion. I hadn't been living, not without her. Time passes slower in her presence a treat which when it comes into fruition I revel in. She's my sunshine. My rain and everything in between.

When the Reaper hits me she's there again, chanting my name, chanting for me continue. As the blue glow consumes everything, she fades into the background.

The corridors are stained with blood, the stench overpowering and pungent. So many bodies scattered and piled up like waste, like fucking rubbish shoved to the side. What the fuck? How could we have let it get this far? If they'd listened, if they'd only listened to me!

"I feel like death"  
Death is an understatement I feel like I died then died again as hell shit me out.  
I'm glad Anderson's with me, reassured that the war we began all those years ago, we'll finish today. Striding towards the console we end it. It's over. They can't hurt any one any more. Perching myself beside Anderson we wait and watch.

"Best seats in the house"  
"You did good child. You did good. I'm proud of you."

A long pause ensues.

"Anderson - stay with me" I'm screaming as loud as my now burnt and battered body will allow, but he's gone. My lips can no longer muffle the great sigh, they'd previously suppressed. As he passes I'm emerged in sorrow, drowned by the fog of all we've done. He was a hero. He was a father to me. A guider who prevailed and kicked sense into me when no one else could. As he fade's away next to me, I watch his soul depart this sphere. Disturbed as Hackett's voice echo's out.

"Shepard, Commander. The crucible's not firing it must be something on your end."  
Hhmm. There's blood on my hands that I shed upon the floor as I crawl toward the console. It's a slow and paining process, which radiates searing stabs all around my body. Words can't describe how it feels. It's death, in the highest form. The muddy grey area in between our world and the afterlife. The prolonged lull in proceeding's brought on by our instinct to survive.  
Reaching upwards "I don't see - uh - I'm not sure how to . . ." then it goes black.

* * *

My eyes dart open, and I'm welcomed back to consciousness with yet more torment, and twinges from my wounds. The sight before me is hazy, blurred at best, but I see the distilled outline of a creature encroaching toward me. Then, there's a voice, a familiar voice.  
It's the boy, the young child who haunts my sleeping hours. Who's engulf into flames rocks me to the core. Leaves me with cold sweats, dilated pupils and a need to be alone.

"Wake up" I stumble to my feet as fast as can be allowed.  
"I am the catalyst"  
"But the citadel ..."  
"No. The citadel is a part of me"  
"The Reapers. I need to destroy them, can you help me?"  
"The Reapers. I control them. They are my solution."  
"Solution?"

He tells how during the last harvest he spares us, we were inferior. How he harvests advanced civilizations and transforms them into Reapers. For the better because if not the day will come when synthetics wipe out all organics. But the solution is flawed my standing before him acting as a monument to that. We agree to find a new solution, but the options are bleak. Each one has consequences unforgivable. Destroy. Synthesize or control. They're all I'm given to mull over, my own existence doesn't configure into them much. However, the destruction of all synthetic life, will mean they Reapers are gone. Just gone. Never to be returned. Surely a universe which see's them banished will be better than a one where we live with them, observing them when we know what they are. Murderers in cold blood. What good is holding their fucking hand when we prosecute criminals on Earth for the same horrors. The same goes for bonding organic and synthetic life. A new DNA. A DNA that is already beginning to transpire. Which one day we'll get anyway. At least, this is what I think. This is my reasoning, my justification, I probably say it so I can sleep. So my conscience is clean.

This is what rushes through my head as I pull myself up the ramp to the power conduit. Each step a marathon. Tugging at my humanity. Raising the gun is tough enough. Pulling the trigger near impossible.

Then there's Samantha's smile, the all lips no teeth beacon laid upon me before those immortal words. Those three little words. The words every being craves to hear. The words lives are spent searching for then conform around as they build the future they promise one another. I can feel Samantha around my waist, her scent whisping into my nose again as her slender arms creep along mine. Her body mashing against my own as she spoons me from behind, draping kisses on my neck. Her fingers envelop the ones I've wrapped on the trigger. With a last breath, she pulls it. Sparks jolt throughout my body. As Traynor repeatedly presses the trigger down.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five  
Shots ring out.  
A loud explosion is released from the conduit. With it Samantha disappears, only to reappear beside it. Beckoning me to come forth.

Six.  
I shoot at it again. Samantha's ghost like form unfazed by the flames.  
Seven.  
There's another explosion and yet she still stands there, still calling for me.  
My steps have become a jog as I race to be with her.  
Eight.  
Nine.  
Another explosion bellows into the air.  
She's so close I can practically feel her.  
Ten.  
Eleven.  
Twelve.  
The conduit pulsates flames as I longingly lock my lips to her own. Her taste as sweet as ever. Her body as curvaceous and adorning as ever. We stand there lovingly kissing, as the end reaps out around us. The explosion's wave finally consumes us, and a sea of red heat swallows me.


	2. She's A Fighter

The air is crisp, dry. There's sunlight radiating all around, as it's creator sits merrily above merely enjoying the view. The ocean it rules in is clear, the purest of blues, there are no blemishes and imperfections of white. An old dirt path paves the way up the slanted ground. A long blocky, black shadow's cast over the path, at it's summit. In between there's the delicate essence of summer. Trees are laden along the right hand side of the track, all bearing small green medallions. Cherry blossoms court pink jewels, as mounts of their beauty, shows of their fertility. The top of the hill bestows a house. It rests above the shadow. Crowning it in its stature. It's painted an outlandish shade of yellow, but in the sun it looks, picturesque. The roof's shingled with black slates. A hollow contrast against it's yellow brother. The sun's directly above the house, creating a protective blind spot at the front of the property. To the side of the house lies a garden, basked in the heat of the orange giant above. It lavishes any manner of flowers blooming. Roses, rhododendron and the tall stretch of a stem leading to a white diamond, which can only be a lily. They're all there, guarded by the picket fence's striking luminous white appearance. The fence follows the garden and path to the foot of the plot. There resides a small gate clasped in place by a bold black handle adorning a lock that lifts a slather of metal into a ridge.

In the garden emanates, the sound of a small commotion. It's the faint russell of a dog barking. But not in a vicious way, it's a playful one. I glance to it to see a golden retriever eagerly chasing a Monarch butterfly. The butterflies wings are a sight to behold. . They bear colors and patterns in such a way that words can't fully capture the intimacy and thought provocation they ignite. It dives and snakes always escaping the retriever. Who refuses to admit defeat and continues to hound the fragile creature with its attentions. All the while, its long tail wagging profusely. It's golden coat gleams underneath the hardened sun. My curiosity satisfied I continue my meander to the gate, with great ease I get it to creak open. There's scuff marks down on the second last pane of wood motioning, that there's a knack to opening it, only a seasoned inhabitant would understand. I can see a vast oak wood door that's slightly ajar ahead of me, as another noise fills my ear's. This time it's a child's piercing giggle. The high pitched screech that makes mother's and broody women quake at the knees: as they ponder how such purity and beauty could be culminated into the world without Godly intervention. With a further step I'm inside the gate. The dust settles around me after it's displacement brought on as a result of the gate's crosswind, a consequence of it's movement. The sun's blinding me as I've stumbled into one of it's reflected ray's that's pelted of the roof's slates. In the faint blur of the door, I see a movement. Gently I edge closer in order to sustain a better view. The gate closes behind me as I continue my advances. It's shapely and at first appears mirage-esc. But then it lightly shuffles towards me.

A small child bursts forward, darting from the cloaked cover of the house. She giggles. A replicate of the one I heard a few moments ago. Dumbfounded I stare at her, upon first guess I'd say she was five, and clearly a lively five. Her skins tanned in a light coffee shade. Her hair's down, long and thick it's black in color, and her eye's are a disturbingly familiar green. Her button nose is pert and pinchable. Her teeth are a pearly white clearly well maintained. Wearing a red summer dress that casually sways in the barely noticeable wind, she giddily runs to me.

"Momma Jane"  
Her tiny arms wrap as far around my legs as they'll allow and she silently nestles into them. Hugging them as tightly as she can.

Another shape strides from the shadows. This one causes me to choke on my own breath. There's only one person who has such an effect on me and she's standing right there.

"Samantha ..."

My eye's are wet and sodden, I imagine they've received a glaring hint of red as I release all the pain I've ever felt. This is the first time since I was a child that I've cried. I can feel whole millennium floating from my shoulders. I've burdened so much for so long!

Her legs pick up pace and rush towards me. In her arms there's another figure slumped across her chest. This one's smaller and has stumpy legs laid against her waist. As well as a back arched in order to allow their head to reside snuggled into Samantha's neck. The child's hair is short and wispy clinging to the back of her head.  
I'm rooted to the spot as Sam closes the space between us. She's careful not to crush either of the two children between us as she holds me, I cry desperately onto her free shoulder.

"Wake up and come back to me, remember your promise"

My head spins, and a mist of confusion swallows me whole. Then, there's that familiar darkness bearing down on me again as it all goes black.

* * *

White. A destitute white that coats all the room, why's it never a light and loving color like green. No, it's always washboard white, sanitized white, they may's well make it fucking black and be done with it. Purity, cleanliness it just makes the blood more prominent. Just highlights the stains and cracks. Might as well sign post them, show tourists around them. This is London in all it's fucking glory, all it's mortal red. These are the ruins that defiantly stand, but careful because if you walk a hundred yards down that corridor you'll taste it, the sewage gutten air. And do you know why because some bastard Reaper went and blew half the fucking hospital away. The walls are a painted white, the floor and ceilings are a tiled shiny white, and the bed sheets well they're a washed white.

Bleakly sunlight attempts to assert its authority through the window, which offers the same tantalizing view of the barren wasteland that used to be the City. Big Ben creeps awkwardly in the background, then the Houses of Parliament lining the Thames, which bears broken Alliance freighters sticking their noses out from its murky waters, sniffing at the apocalyptic site. This is the view that the (you guessed it) white blinds hide. The view they're too ashamed to show the one who saved them.

Back in the room, she lies lost at sea, in the blanket of white. Her red-glazed hair a striking contrast in comparison to it. It lies nestled against the two propped up pillows. The majority of her locks are tucked back behind her ears, save for one stray strand lost to the netherworld in between, resting solemnly upon her left brow, masking the scar that's sliced through it. A trained eye wouldn't have spotted it, but Sam knew it was there, her gaze had after all lingered over it for days and days on end, as she peacefully watched Shepard sleep. Subconsciously she traced her eyes over to the bridge of Shepard's nose. There was another blemish, this one a deeper laceration, but still only a few millimeters wide, and about an inch long.

Her arm's rest above the hospital bedding, her clad white gown's short sleeves hang loosely off her formerly toned arms, which are now more skin than muscle, much like the rest of her body. She's malnourished and the diet that's being pumped through her due to her comatose state isn't sustainable. A fact Sam knows and has for now at least buried to the back of her mind.

A various array of wires enter every nook and cranny of free skin, they snake viciously from it supplying the commander with essentials, but it's a difficult unnerving sight which upon her first viewing caused Samantha's knees to buckle, made her skin crawl and vomit to reap out of her mouth, passing into the basin of the visitor's toilets. Sam shivered nervously at the thought of that first look at her lover, her barely breathing, bruised and comatose lover. The one whose bruises to others had healed, but to Sam's eyes their faint outline were as prominent as if they'd first been dealt.

The delicate beep of the heart monitor in the background brings Sam gently back into the room, she'd been at Shepard's side almost every day for two months now. Shepard hadn't stirred she'd just lay there healing, recuperating strength, as the world passed her by. There had been numerous MRI scans each detailing increased brain activity, each adding to Samantha's hope.

On the outside world the destruction was unmistakable, in a nutshell Earth was wrecked, and one of the biggest shit holes in the galaxy, but slowly ever so steadily it was growing. Communication links were back up, electricity was flowing through select locations, namely world summit's and Alliance Headquarters, hospitals included. Just the essentials. Water was available but the price was too high and many were dying of dehydration. Food was even more scarce: famine and poverty were rife worldwide even among the more fortunate blessed with money. Charities were doing all they could and Earth's suffering had only brought about interstellar aid with everyone piling together as many resources as they were able to spare. It was beautiful to see such harmony between aliens and humans. Opinions had changed and humans were more accepting recognizing that only through the help of strangers would they see out their darkest dawn. It made Sam's heart swell and she only wished the commander were able to witness it. Although she didn't blame her, she decided she wouldn't have wanted to wake up to all this either. Watching something crumble was one thing, watching something be obliterated is another entirely. But she was lonely, there was only so much comfort seeing the bottom of a glass could bring. Lone nights alone drinking. Lone nights alone crying, fumbling around in the dark for an empty bed. Lone nights.

The door sheepishly swings open as Karin Chakwas walks through, she smiles warmly at Samantha and nods her head as a further show of acknowledgement.

"How is she Karin?"  
The older women glances up from the medical chart clutched in her hand.  
"Well all her vitals are good, I don't see any further cause for concern, the surgery we were able to perform yesterday appears successful and scan's haven't picked up any further trances of embedded fragment, so that's good!"

A bleak smile flashes across Samantha's face before a sterner look replaces it.  
"Will she ever wake up?"  
"Sam. Don't you think it's a little premature for that we're doing all we can and you know Shepard. She's a fighter, even when she die's she can't stick at it." The two women briefly laugh before Karin breaks it. "When she's ready she will, until then we can only make sure she's cared for. You look hungry, skipping meals won't do either of you any good, why don't you go to the cafeteria and see if you can find anything? I think Ash is down there already."

"OK ... and Karin thanks, I know I say this way too much, but without your support, I don't know what I'd do!"  
"You're right you do, ha ha and besides Shepard owes me a drink, she think's I'm going to forget, but I won't. You hear that commander I've got the brandy on ice. Now go on."  
Just like that she's gone, closing the door behind her as she left.

A slow and hushed twitch inhibits her fingers, as her hand begins a distant reawakening. Her eye's flutter as life begins to flood to her body, her brain moving groggily, dizzy from its slumbered state.

"I hear you Karin" she whispers quietly, soon scared by the thought her word's have been lost in the rooms expanse.  
Karin spins around much to the dismay of her aged bones. Her eye's are greeted by Shepard's burning lanterns of green and any suspicion she had of it being her imagination are relinquished. The medical chart drops to the floor with a thud.  
"Shepard ... oh my... I ... you're ... Haha" relief grips her and tears fall from her teal eye's down her lightly wrinkled cheeks.  
Shepard is unable to see Karin the teary-eyed nervous wreck before her, as her eyes attempt to readjust to the sunlight. "You're not crying on me are you doc?" Karin overcome with joy, merely stifles a laugh. "If you think this is bad, you should have seen me dead haha, now what's the damage, and I know you doc, don't sugarcoat it. I can take it!"

Her eyes having finally settled down, can see her old friend moving towards her, as she goes in for a hug. The touch of another person erects goosebumps along her arms. Before Karin pulls away and sits on the chair next to the bed.

"Shepard it's not good. You lost a lot of blood after the fight, you broke a lot of bones. You were in a bad way, a really bad way. We operated into the early hours, dressed wounds, removed shrapnel. That's the pain below your rib cage by the way. Bit of steel half an inch long lodged into you, God knows how it missed our scans. While that's only a small scar, there may be serious repercussions to your actions. Your implants they ... they shut down Shepard. Burned up, we had to find you donors to well, replace them. You got a new kidney, a new liver and you lost a lung punctured by shrapnel. However, we could repair it, thankfully. It was quite the dog fight."

"See wasn't that bad doc was it, by the sounds of things I'm OK!"  
"If you call being riddled with scars OK, then commander you're fine, haha." Karin giggled remembering how much she'd missed Shepard's company.  
"How long was I out?"  
"Two months, Two weeks and Four days Commander"  
"And the Reapers?"  
"Gone."  
"What about Sam?" Shepard's heart lurched in her chest, pulsating faster than ever before as she awaited her reply.  
"Haha well I'll be: the great Commander Shepard succumb by emotion,"  
Shepard didn't realize she'd made her affections that obvious, but then again her heart was beating loud enough for Chakwas to hear.

"she's grabbing a bite to eat,"  
Shepard sighed a long relieving one that she'd muffled for the entire two and a bit month period since she'd left her at the foot of the galaxy map aboard the Normandy.  
"been here everyday Shepard, I find her asleep most mornings, snuggled into this chair, I guess she doesn't make it home, too scared to leave you. She really loves you!" Chakwas smiled then got up from the chair, retrieved the chart from the floor then rang something up on her Omni-Tool.

"I'll tell them your awake!"

* * *

Traynor found Ash in the far left corner of the cafeteria, the place was rammed, people littered everywhere whether it be on the floor, at the tables, or in the space between. Sam thought Ash was lucky to have found space at all. Ash's head was glued to the book before her, Traynor recognized it as 'The Collected Alfred Tennyson' Shepard bought her on the Citadel after Ash was hospitalized. She sat across from the brunette who barely managed to tear her head away from the pages before her, mid mouthful stuffed with buttered toast, she groaned a hello.

"Hey" Traynor replied, wasting little time in digging into the toast beside Ash.

Ash too engrossed by her book didn't even notice until she lent a hand down to the plate, where it was greeted by emptiness.

"Traynor!" Ash groaned inwardly before laughing with Sam. It was good to see her smile she thought, there hadn't really been much chance recently, and it was exhausting for Ash to keep having to pick a plastered Traynor up from the small drinking hides coasted in the city.  
Their laughing and breakfast banter was interrupted by the chiming of Traynor's Omni-Tool.  
"Checking up on me so soon Karin, I haven't done a runner ..."  
"No. But she might have to if she keeps spraffing my toast"  
More laughter erupted from the two women in the cafeteria. Before Karin decidedly broke it,  
"Actually I need you up here, both of you. Be quick." The chiming signaled the call's end.

"Sound's serious, we best go"

* * *

"Just ... give me ... a ... sec" came the panted call.  
'Oh come on Sam, we only walked up the stairs'  
"Walked? Ash you practically sprinted!" said Traynor having finally regained her breath long enough to form a coherent sentence.  
The door pushed open, "Hey Karin what do you ne- ... SKIPPER?"  
"What's all the fuss about?" Traynor asked as she walked through the hospital room door.  
"Hey Specialist. Chief" Shepard nodded at Ash and smiled the biggest shit eating grin ever at Sam.

By now Traynor was mid cardiac arrest, she'd stopped breathing when she saw Shepard awake, and Ash was having to keep her upright as the pair sobbed together.

Shepard laughed in the hospital bed, before stopping breaking into a painful cough, which only put more pressure on her broken ribs, as they jabbed into her. Her sides and stomach ached and tears had swelled in her eyes. "Is this all I'm going to get for the next few days, people crying?" Shepard laughed as Ash gently punched her in the arm. She'd crossed the space that had separated them.

"It's good to see you Skip. Now tell me honestly, did I look this shit when you visited me in hospital?" The pair laughed like the old battle hardened friends they were.  
"Honestly Ash?" Shepard cocked an eyebrow and left a small pause for dramatic effect before replying with ' You looked worse Chief, a lot worse!' they both laughed again.

Sam having finally recovered from her traumatized state crept to Shepard's other bedside.

"You're alive" she whispered into the air which filled the room.  
"I always keep my promises!" She smiled once again before reaching for Samantha's lips with her own, closing the gap, she dared not to hover, there was too much need vested within her, Too much lust. Too little time. She rubbed her lips against Traynor's it was a delicate maneuver which she felt sure would rise in passion. There was no resistance on Traynor's behalf as Shepard's tongue meandered into her mouth. It was once the most natural thing in the world, now it had become just like the first time. Traynor shuddered at her vulnerability she felt like a virgin again, a virgin waiting to be claimed by Shepard, waiting to be transported to the mystical land of pleasure. Shepard's tongue explored the back of her mouth, as it delved into new depths, new chasms offering new emotions, and temptations. It circled around her mouth repeatedly, slowly, longingly as it savored the taste. Then, it pushed against Sam's tongue inviting it to join it in a tango, the pair danced and turned together slowly, it was different from their usual proceedings, which saw the pair jostle for superiority as they competed to see who could provide the most pleasure, who could leave the other a quivering wreck the best, as they lolled in euphoria. The kiss transcended so many emotions in its simplicity, the gesture alone had comforted Sam, she was afraid Shepard would wake up and not care for her, refuse her acknowledge, brush off their time together as a way to make the time pass quicker, as simple sex for satisfaction and not a longer settling down demeanor.

Reluctantly Shepard drew away, she wanted Sam so badly, but she had to set everything right before either woman strung the other along. She stared at Traynor for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was only a few seconds, before she spoke. Her arms had gripped Traynor's waist as forcefully as they could, her body was still weak still needed time, but it was time she wanted to afford in her lover's company. Traynor had cupped hers behind Shepard's neck and head, holding herself in place.

"I love you Sam" Her voice was hoarse and wrapped with emotional discomfort which threatened to break her down again.

"I ... I needed to tell you. Even if you don't want me, I just had to say! I have never felt happiness like I do when I'm with you, when I was on that mission it was just you, just a prolonged darkness where the only comfort I was offered was the glimmering image of the beautiful woman who makes me complete, who I'd fight for any and every day, and who makes me incapable of speech, a woman who I want to wake up next to everyday and die old with. I love you Sam!" Shepard raised an eyebrow playfully. "Are you writing this down?"  
"Hahahaha I love you too and I'll remember"

As Traynor knelt down, before Shepard's lips to join them in another kiss, she was halted by the clearing or Karin's throat.

"Oh please get a room Skipper" Called Ashley.  
They both clambered themselves from one another seemingly forgetting where they were, a wash of embarrassment swept over the yearning pair's faces.

All four woman present in the room giggled.

* * *

**Sorry for the ending I figured that was a good place to end it, but I'm by no mean's finished with this story. (as long as there's people willing to read it that is) If it's well received I'll continue on with it. Thanks for reading it, hope it was worth your time. **

**I know that Traynor doesn't actually leave Shepard's room but for writing purposes it made it a lot more easier to fit into my time line, sorry for any irritation this caused! **


	3. Old Habits Die Hard

**A/N: **I feel as though I repeat myself a bit too much during this chapter, or at least the tone jumps repeatedly from one to it's opposite constantly, but I think this is due to the fact that I wrote it at varying degrees of 4 in the morning, as ever review even if you hate. I'm sorry I haven't put a new chapter up, writers block hammered me a lot.  
Thanks for all the favorites follows and reviews they helped a lot or at least pelted sense into me that I should mosey on for a little while.  
**A/N2**: Sorry if they keep laughing it's pretty much the only thing Shep's capable of right now.  
**A/N3** Another update should be with you all soon and a one shot

SBC :)

* * *

Having recovered from the spout Karin spoke "Shepard I couldn't borrow Sam for a minute could I?"

"Course Doc, but don't take too long. It's been a while you know?"  
Samantha shot an adorning glare at Shepard, in her head fearing leaving the woman's presence so soon after she'd welcomed her back from the beyond. She already felt immensely guilty about having missed Shepard waking by mere seconds. But out she trailed meekly behind the good doctor. The image of a conscious Shepard solidified in her mind, an image of her lover that she'd sooner die than forget.

Ashley still fixated by the sight of Shepard fully conscious was completely unaware of the fact she was staring at the bedridden redhead.  
"Uhuh Williams, what is it?" Shepard's words were spoken calmly, of the pair she was clearly the more collected. She turned her head round so she was now facing Ashley, whom resided in the fabled chair, she'd heard so thoroughly about, next to the bed.

"Nothing Commander" The lieutenant quickly retorted back before being seemingly consumed with interest at the tiles laid on the floor. Dipping her head unable to meet the commander's gaze.  
"Come on Ash I know when you're flaking out on me!" A warming smile glazed across her face, she outstretched a battered hand to Ashley's joined pair, which were scratching nervously against one another, as they sat uncomfortably in her lap. The ushering of Shepard's thumb brushing against her skin, was ever so slowly coaxing the worries out of the pit of Ash's gut.

"It's just that ..." She began before halting all too uneasily. Rather drearily she tilted her head up, hazel eyes meeting green.  
"Is this what it looks like ... the great revival?"  
"You're not going to tell me I've changed again are you Chief?" An awkward laugh was shared between the pair, more to ease the tension rather than anything else.

"Remind me to buy Miranda a drink, when I see her, I never really thanked her for bringing you back?"  
"What's this I hear an air of submission from Lieutenant Commander Ashley Madeline Williams, second human Spectre. Somebody, Chakwas help, they've replaced Ash with a clone! Does Vega know you're prone to these submissions, I hope I'm not the only one you hand them out to Ash, Sam might get a bit jealous"  
Ashley laughed along with Shepard before her face straightened "You know you're lucky you've got IV lines pumping into you Commander"  
"Oh the fear" Shepard clutched at her chest further emphasizing her mock faint terror. "After Eva Coré pummeled your ass I thought you were more understanding of barely breathing survivors"  
"Barely breathing please Skip it was all a front I just wanted some shore leave"  
"Oh shore leave now I get it Chief. Clever. Except I already beat you to it see now spaced that's where it's at Williams."  
"Is that so Commander?" Ashley's question was accompanied with a skeptical raise of her left eyebrow.  
"You gotta aim higher if you want to beat me next time Chief" Shepard chuffed.  
"I'll try"  
"Don't try too hard though, in all seriousness when I saw what she'd done to you, I couldn't think straight I thought you were a goner, it took Liara practically drop kicking me before her screaming 'Ashley needs medical attention' registered." Shepard's pace slowed.

"I couldn't do anything just sat and watched you for the entire journey, you looked ..." Shepard paused from mindlessly twirling her hands mid-air with one another as she had been to look the Chief directly in the eye "so broken." Her voice was barely a whisper more a hallowed call which had haunted her until Ash had pulled through and even now because of the confession she was about to make. "And I hated myself, hated that I couldn't protect you. Kaidan changed me. Virmire seriously fucked my head up something rotten. It was in that moment that I realized how empty you must have felt when I died, when you went to my funeral and watched as they lowered a blank casket into the ground, threw soil on a grave I'd never fill."

She'd gone back to the mindless hand examination as she struggled for the right words. "When Horizon happened, fuck, I didn't get it, I hated you Ash." Shepard admitted her eyes bearing into Ash's. "And I hated that I hated you" She tutted. "Fucked up right?" Ashley simply nodded. "On Mars it was the first chance we had to talk and there was still that lingering doubt within both of us, to be honest we didn't solve anything did we? Just poured salt on the wounds. Maybe that's why it hurt so much especially when it was The Illusive Man telling her to 'finish' you. At least we got through it right?"  
"You're going soft on me."Ashley once again playfully punched Shepard's arm and the pair laughed together, both enjoying the warmth of simply being alive, noticing the simplicity of it all, even appreciating at times its monotonous nature.

"So how are they all? I was going to ask the Doc but then I figured she might use it as an opportunity to distract me while she took bloods, or used the scalpel"  
"She does that?"  
"Oh yeah, how'd you think she lasted so long in the military, picked up a few tricks along the way"  
"I guess I never wondered, I didn't tend to when she was plucking bullets out of me."  
"That only happened a few times!"  
"A few times?" Ashley oozed sarcastically as they shared a hearty laugh.

"They're good, the crew I mean, things were tight for a little while, but some how we all found one another even when comms were down. We never lost hope over you, there were moments sure, but somebody always had a witty story to share. Generally it was Garrus as you can imagine. He's at the makeshift HQ communicating with the hierarchy they managed to get the relays fixed up pretty fast. As much of a dogfight Chakwas tells me saving you was." A sly grin encroached the pairs faces. "He was set to visit you along with Tali and Liara this afternoon, although all things considered I think they may push to visit sooner." A light chuckle was once again spilled.

"Then there's Jacob and Brynn they're well, very tired but that's the effect little baby Shepard has on them," A non-consensual snort escaped Shepard, as Ashley attempted to calm the woman, "believe me we tried to talk her out of it but you still weren't up and ..."  
"It's fine Ash just strange, that's all!" Finally finding her voice. She weakly grimaced a smile. In her head however, turmoil reigned.  
_How can they name a child after me. Me for fuck sake. I hope this trend doesn't catch on, although I fear there may be many more Shepard's running around, non of my creation, not yet anyway... What is taking Sam so long?_

"Vega's good too, training's going better than expected although they're predominantly helping with the refugees and so on. Not exactly elite but certainly paramount in priority."  
"And you and him?" Shepard retorted wiggling an eyebrow.  
"We're also good, been a bit of a rock to me recently." She divulged.  
"Not over poor old me I hope." Shepard smirked. As did Ash, with a knowing nod. "I'm happy for you Ash, you deserve someone after all we've sacrificed we deserve someone to come home to"

The second vague statement on the commander's behalf had bolted Ashley upright and there was intense sorrow in her heart to have to break it to her "Commander Joker, he erm ... I don't know how to ..."  
"You don't need to Ash, I figured out as much, I don't blame him, he loved her and I was the one who took her away from him. I can't expect him to just act like everything's alright, it'll take time, not that I expect anything but a prolonged lull of silence between us, he won't want to see me again, and it's not like a few words are going to change anything between us. It's logical." She sighed deeply accepting that her actions were unforgivable a fact she had already come to terms with but that was way back when she never imagined another tomorrow. Living with it now was just another demon locked in the closet, another nightmare she could store on the shelf for future discomfort. She lifted her hand and ran it through her own hair. It was a movement Ashley had come to associate with frustration hidden deep within the Commander, never a woman to openly air and express her grievances. The small little gesture told her more than any amount of conversation's and wasted time would. It was easier to leave the Commander like this than it was to ask her about feelings and emotions.

* * *

In the corridor outside a conversation of similar disdain was taking place.  
"As long as you're gentle Sam I see no reason as to why we shouldn't have her discharged by the end of the week. She's made good progress although I won't fully know until I do a full health check." Samantha gleamed at that statement, her expression physically uplifting to one of joy and relief. She'd spent too many hours in that room, too many hours praying for a release whether it be another resurrection or a heartfelt goodbye, she had, guiltily, just wanted closure.

"Rehabilitation and the recovery process will be a categorical upheaval, you'll have your hands full caring for her Sam and it's best I point it out now before you find yourself brandishing a knife at two o'clock in the morning, after she reluctantly woke you up so you could help her hobble over to the bathroom!" Samantha briefly envisioned the scene before Chakwas snapped her from her thoughts.

"It's only made worse by the fact that it's Shepard, she'll be insufferable: refusing to get up in the mornings and then sleeping the entire day away due to exhaustion. But remember we're all here for you" She planted a reassuring hand on Sam's shoulder.  
"Hackett will want to see her as soon as he's aware of her consciousness."  
Sam's lips had sourly curled up at the mention of Hackett, she had nothing against the man, but right now she was feeling so protective over Shepard it was a wonder she'd even left Ash alone in the room with her.  
"Just procedure as you know Sam, so don't give me that look."  
"I know Karin ... but she hasn't even been awake ten minutes and the Alliance already want their hands on her. I won't see her become a tool for them or the council. Not this time. It nearly killed her ... again! She can't say no, you know that Karin we all know that. It's always one more selfless deed, one more suicide mission, one more gallantry attempt at galactic peace. The grim reaper won't miss a third time!"

"Sam" Karin pleaded, grey eyes shining.  
"I can't lose her!" Sam wailed almost, her eyes were wet growing thicker as more water conjured in them. Her, what she thought, solid resolve, even despite the initial tears, was crumbling as everything piled together. All the time alone, thinking, meticulously planning, then reevaluating her future plans, as Shepard was once again the unknown variable. It would be a lie to say she hadn't dreamed of waking up in Shepard's arms everyday, Shepard being her last sight at night, settling down with her no matter what future that would hold, however clinging on to her 'big house ideal'.  
Now that it was so close and Sam was practically tasting the Shepard filled future goodness, to have it threatened by death, was not what Sam wanted in the slightest, and to her she'd fight tooth and nail, for what was dutifully deserved.

However despite all that the here and now reality was that although in part Shepard had pledged her future to her, at least reiterating past promises, the Alliance weren't just going to let Commander Shepard God in many a man's eye, simply retire. Perhaps the most cutting part of this realization was that she didn't know which one Shepard wanted more. Or even worse, how hard Shepard would fight Sam on returning to active service. Another reality was the tears streaming down her cheeks, the tears which had made her shake violently and hiccup in pain, as they so often did. Her hands which she's used to shield her eyes in a rather futile attempt, from Chakwas' protective gaze, had moved to rest on Shepard's hospital door, as well as her body, which was being heavily supported by it.

Sheepishly she looked through the glass pane of the door, in a morbid refusal to make eye contact with the Doc. "She's the one. And when you find the one, you don't let them get away, you hold onto them, because they're special." A long intake of breath ensued. "I fell in love with Commander Shepard. I know. Trust me I know." She bawled. "I know she won't give up the Alliance, but is it wrong for me to ask, we need her alive. **I **need her alive."

* * *

"That's the last I saw of you, this red-headed marine screaming at me to GO before charging off towards the reaper."  
"What are you talking about Ash, my last view was worse"  
"Oh really Commander?" She dared.  
"Course it was Garrus looked physical in pain carrying you off"  
She couldn't hide the laugh or the smirk that remained even as she responded "Of course he did"

The white door to Shepard's hospital room ever so slowly creaked painstakingly open. With it bore Shepard's lover, her all be it wet faced slightly flushed, if the weak crying screeches emanating from the adjacent corridor were anything to go by, lover.  
"Hey honey" Shepard said in between laughs, she what could be described as over-eagerly beamed at Samantha. At least over eager would have been the feel had it not been for her two month absence. Sam's response on the other hand was more a forced smile, half between sobs and hiccups, not wanting to upset the apple cart. Shepard could surmise as much as to why Sam's face was wet that compiled with the raised voices and Ash's polite ignorance, it could only mean that the issue was one that had warranted much discussion and had as yet received no resolve.

Chakwas entered in behind Sam "Good to see you've retained your sense of humor Commander!"  
"Something tells me I'm going to need it once you tell me what's troubling you."  
"You know me too well Shepard, I'm under instruction to inform Hackett once you're conscious"  
"Of course," Shepard replied before adding "perhaps he can give me some information on the rebuilding, as well as death toll statistics and ..." Sam's eyes turned harshly cruel as they flicked over Chakwas first, then Ash and then lay unerringly still on Shepard. She coughed tightening her eyes death-grip on the rooms intensely thickened atmosphere.  
"Just a suggestion" Shepard mused in a quiet voice. One similar to a child fading out after accepting how irrelevant their point was during a quarrel with their parents. Chakwas excused herself from the room to make the call, and Ash would have laughed at how love-struck the commander was, had it not been for Samantha's vice gaze of death. She instead hurried from the room, telling the Skipper she would have to "check in with the council." Both her and Sam nodded as her back turned and her figure slipped out the door.

"Death toll?" Traynor finally said after an eternity's pause in the dense smog which had become the hospital room's air. Her voice portrayed no signs of a former wrestle with tears, it was her red face which betrayed her.  
Shepard remained silent, as Sam vented. "Really?"  
"I need to know" She finally gave up her voice low. "How bad is it?" There was renewed determination, laced within her words.

"Bad?"  
"Horrific?"  
"Virmire?"  
That got it. "**Virmire?** Are you seriously using that as a comparable adjective?" There was no reply.  
"Sam if you won't answer me I'll go and find someone who will" Shepard used all the strength she could culminate to pull back the white covers and then to sweep her legs down to the side. A great groan escaped her body as both the unmistakable crunching of bones could be heard, and then the deep inner jarring of her ribs, making yet another cameo uncomfortable appearance. Of greater distress was how laboring breathing had begun. Shepard was gasping for air, pleading rather pathetically for it to settle in her mouth. However all it did was elude her masterfully enabling her gaping mouth to flap open rapidly swallowing empty promises as her lungs, seared in suffocation.

Traynor quickly rushed to her side, as she supplied first an oxygen mask for breathing assistance and then a straw and water once it was regulated. Shepard's breath continued to be panted but not life threateningly critical.

'OKAY' She shrieked as Shepard made a bid to stand, gently she pushed her back onto the bed, before sitting next to Shepard as she braced for the onslaught which was about to ensue. "Bad" She finally conceded in a whisper. "We lost a lot of lives," She breathed pausing before going on "well into the billions, no one wants to admit it though. Not good for morale apparently. The death toll rises exponentially every day, but no one broadcasts the figures because we're too concerned with fixing it all. The message at the minute is focus on the now, prepare for the next and then remember the fallen." She felt Shepard tighten next to her.

"Believe me it's not what anyone wants but that's how it has to be. Carrying on and building something better than before is what we deserve to give those we lost. We have to do it so it never happens again. So men and women can hold their beloved at night without fear, so children can grow up without fear. Now the council heeds your warnings and defense plans are in place, for god forbid anything like this ever happens again." Sam shuffled. "The Reapers are gone but the destruction they leave behind will always be there." She paused contemplating the right words. "Even if it's just in the minds of those they butchered the most."

Shepard turned to face her and Sam coaxed her palm across Jane's face. "The council backs this?"  
"All of that and the council is all you pick out?" She retorted sarcastically earning a rather half-hearted laugh. "The defense plans are mainly guns and space stations."  
"Not galactic unity"  
"As much as I'd like to tell you yes, beyond the official 'plans are in place' I don't really know anything." She conceded again.  
"So the guns and space stations?"  
"Wishful thinking"  
Shepard grazed Samantha's lips delicately with a kiss, cutting the laughter which Sam had been expressing short, as her lips readjusted to the contact. She breathed in Sam's aroma the same sweet jasmine scent she'd craved months before but which to her felt like only a brutally wasted yesterday. The jasmine was as poignant as ever a testament to Traynor's beauty and her gentility. It was fragile but unquestioning. Graceful but sloppy. Experienced and nervous. Love. Shepard fluttered her lips over Sam's as dangerously soft as an insects touch, with all the weight of a feather and the power of wings.

Then there was the emptiness, and the squelch of air as they drew apart. both craving the other's contact as loneliness began to reap. A threat of a prior time, laced with a promise of more. Unquestioningly more.

Shepard felt the shadows shift under the door, light filtering due to an intruder's possessive stance. And with that the room suddenly felt colder, suddenly felt stripped of a warmth, it had no reason to possess nor ever did. It was Sam's ear's who pricked as the door slathered open, but still she remained a statue at Shepard's right side as her eyes traced, rather sneakily, through the blinds slits to the London they bestowed. The London they protected.

Chakwas' arrival into the room was announced by the faint hush of her reverberated step's across the floor's tiled surface. "Admiral Hackett will arrive shortly Commander."  
"Shepard what the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea the damage premature movement could cause? How the hell actually, I don't want to know - just lie back slowly.** Slowly**." She reiterated, harsher this time, as Sam jumped out of the way and allowed the doc's hands to guide Shepard comfortably back down. A few winces and the occasional yelp escaped into the air, more empty shells then cause for concern. Once she was settled back, it was clear the Commander's disregard for her own safety was taken by Chakwas as a subconscious craving for medically inclined lines of inquiry.

With her data-pad in hand "Are you suffering any pain Commander?"  
The obvious answer would have been an unwilling scoff accompanied by some flitting sarcastic remark. Shepard's movement had absconded her entitlement to this obvious answer and her only other option would have to be the honest truth. No matter how much it pained the woman to complain about the irrelevant whilst others suffered unrelentingly.  
"Honestly Doc? Yeah a lot. The organ's feel fine but then again I'm no doctor. My ribs feel like the devils dagger every time I breathe and that shrapnel removal ain't no dull ache, aside from that and the bones I've no doubt cracked out of place I'm fine. Only a 5, 6 in parts. How long did you say the Admiral would be?"

"I didn't, and six's?" She queried eyebrow raised.  
"Yeh only from sitting on my ass for so long!"  
"You never can take anything seriously can you commander?"  
"Old habits die-hard Doc!"

* * *

Some 20 minutes later, Shepard's door swung open again. This time it bore Admiral Hackett followed closely by Ash. Shepard immediately sprang into a salute as she greeted the top brass. The salute pained her, Sam and Chakwas just as much as the leg swing did. However their cries remained nothing more than under the surface fizzles, seeing this was what Shepard wanted. Normality. The admiral returned it as Shepard chorused "Admiral" into the room.

"Shepard" He returned sweeping her hand in a stern shake. "You've accomplished the impossible, congratulations Commander."  
A smile flicked across her face still present as she replied "I didn't do it alone sir."  
"You're right. The Council sends their deepest gratification as does the galaxy. However no amount of thank you's will ever be enough. The Alliance, as are we all truly indebted to you."  
"We sacrificed a great deal to get here Sir. I just hope those sacrifices won't be in vain."  
"They won't I can assure you of that. Unfortunately Commander it's with regret that I have to get down to business with you. The mass relays were broken, the Geth as well as all synthetic life wiped out, the Reapers obliterated from the sky. Whatever happened up there Commander the Alliance supports your decision. I understand if it's too early to talk, Anderson was a great man, whatever horrors unfolded we'll see you through."

"Thank you Sir." Tears welled in her eyes as she spoke with great fondness over the man who meant so much. "Anderson was the only family I ever had, he'll be forever in our hearts, heaven gained an angel when that man ... passed." Her voice broke at the last.

The word died was too brutal, too abrupt, too unsanitary. Fresh. Too much gore to a soldier who had received and dealt her fair share. To have uttered such a word would have been to pollute his existence. To have said it would have been treason to the heart. He forever remained instilled in her. The father and teacher always on hand with gentle encouragement, always there when she needed him most, dusting her off after the Blitz, believing in her when it seemed like every other man had gone insane. He gave morals to the beaten street child so jarred by existence.

"I can't ..." Her voice racked with emotion as she struggled to find the right words, to find any words. "Theee" Her e's tailed on until they weren't even the whisper they were when they began. She paused catching her breath as the tears fell.

"Shepard" Hackett sternly said attempted to raise her eye's from the solemn stare on a fixated point only her mind knew existed. "The war is over. When you're ready we'll talk. Until then you're on enforced leave" He saw her about to protest "No Shepard God knows that if the Reapers hadn't been the biggest threat in the galaxy you wouldn't be on the front line service, We both know that." She looked defeated but the fire in her eyes to fight was no longer there, in truth it hadn't been for some time, perhaps it never would return. "3 months, if I know you, you'll be walking by the end of your second week" They both laughed a snort as Chakwas sat nodding her head conspiratorially. "Then there'll be a ceremony and lots of clapping, handshakes and awards." A smirk played across both their faces at the truth behind those words, Hackett turned to take his leave only managing a few paces before stopping.

"And congratulations Commander, on your promotion to Captain."


End file.
